I love this whole thing around belief. It is so powerful, yet so enigmatic. What is it? How does it work? Where does it sit? Do I have enough? HOW DO I CHANGE IT!?
I have had personal challenges around my own beliefs for many years. I have specifically struggled with self-esteem. Not general self-esteem, but more focused in the area of gifts and accomplishment. Even though I have lived a very happy life, I have had many struggles in expressing my gifts and abilities on a daily basis. I believed that my self worth depends directly on how much I can show of how smart I am and how much I know.
Here is what I have learned:
- Your character will destroy what your gifts have built, unless your are transformed
- It is all about growth
For too long I pushed to be recognised, be esteemed and be significant. It was not until I experienced Fatherly love that gave me that certainty in my heart that I could start to live it. Life is always a paradox: the harder you push to get life, the further away it moves. To get life, you have to let it go. The fear has to be displaced by God’s love.
I changed my core beliefs about my self-worth with the help of God. When I saw myself through His eyes I got truth about myself. Before that, and with my own abilities, I could not make the change. It took 12 years of physical pain, career failure and financial struggle before I could let go. I used to believe that I am responsible for my physical illness and I even deserve it. Once I saw that I am not responsible, but that I can give it to God I have started to heal. The first part of the healing is the peace that I now experience.
I have also been very hard on myself because I have not been as successful as I believe that I should be. I now believe that I have faithfully responded to every opportunity to learn that God has set on my path. I also believe that He is proud of me for working through emotional hurts and getting rid of things that separated me from Him. I can now be much more patient when things don’t go my way. I look for the opportunity to grow closer to God through the challenges and see that as the way that I build character in order to inherit my full calling for eternity.
People don’t change unless the pain is big enough. I foolishly prayed that God must bring me closer to Him, give me wisdom and reveal Himself to me. He responded with an intensive training process using the physical and emotional pain in my life as the curriculum. I leaned in! Even though it was with some screaming and shouting at times (OK, a lot of screaming and shouting), I stayed the course and I can say that the journey has only now begun. I have graduated my training and can now start with my assignment in full.
Where are you? Are you leaning in? What are you learning?
Go from survive to alive!