Letting Go

Deeper and deeper into the cavernous dark my journey takes me.  Who knows what I will find on this quest of truly knowing myself?  I dig deeper and longer than many I know but do not consider myself greater – perhaps just hungrier.  Hungrier for my true self and not settling for mediocre second best.
Coming face-to-face with the mysteries of my own personality I am amazed at what is hidden within.  Things that are there at all times but only discovered once the restlessness takes root and I answer with relentless curiosity of who I can be.
Perhaps you will agree with me that there are few people who are really self-aware and that know themselves.  My experience has led me to believe that our laziness is greater than any desire that we have that could guide us on a journey of discovering the deep hidden secrets at the core of our being.  Recently I have been digging again and it would seem that just by looking at myself in a new way because of new circumstances I have gained much insight about how my personality functions.  It does however start with questioning and if do recall I have written about this on a previous occasion.  We do not question enough.  We especially do not question our own motives; our own hearts.
This is most probably the longest post I have written and perhaps it reflects my current situation where I am doing a lot and do not have sufficient time to reflect and think.  But let’s get back to letting go…
The point of this post is that what I have discovered recently (through utilising The Wisdom of the Enneagram) is that although I have a compassion to see this world change it will happen if I let go.  Basically I then have to let go in order to get a grip.  Yes, indeed another paradox ( for those of you who are familiar with my previous posts you will remember that I wrote about this quite some time back).  Even though I was aware of this previously my circumstances shed new light on how my personality works and I started questioning myself.  How much am I really responsible for?  By when do I want to achieve certain goals?  What kind of impact do I need to have during my time on earth?  How do I respond to the restlessness inside me?  
It is about being centred and developing trust in order to be present in every moment.  I believe that I am seeking a rare peace that comes from knowing I am doing what must be done and not striving to do more than what lies within my mandate.  It is founded in a trust that I am where I should be  and that the things I let go off is not lost, but by letting go I allow someone else to accept their mandate.  Do you know what your mandate is?
To be continued…