J-D, Author at Survive to Alive

28th May 2008

The Family: The Most Profound Change Agent

I am not a father yet and my family at this stage consists only of me and my wife. I do believe however that I am already the father that I will be. In other words, I don’t become a father when our first child is born. My fatherly orientation should already be present.

The interesting distinction in the Afrikaans language between extended family and the nucleus family I find very useful. In Afrikaans there are in fact two different words: “familie” which translates to ‘extended family’ and “gesin” which is the nucleus family.

Some of you might ask why am I putting this kind of information on the web? Isn’t this obvious stuff? I strongly believe in basics! Our world is structured in a way that does not pay attention to basics and I strongly believe that if we CALM DOWN and ask ourselves what is really important we can avoid allot of pain and suffering. I therefore strongly believe that if we get the basics right at home they are the same basics that we will need to make things better in the work place.

I will even go so far as to say that we need more fathers, and mothers, in the workplace. The reason I say this is that a real father, a real man, knows when to be disciplined and strict and when to acknowledge, praise and care. So in other words if you have men and women that know what it is to be a parent and fulfil their roles it will strengthen their position in their workplace.

The same goes for brothers and sisters. If we are taught how to maintain intimate, caring, and disciplined relationships with our siblings it will permeate in all other environments – the work place included. We should then be much better equipped to deal with people of the same age, younger, and older. We spend gazillions every year on professional education and training but how much do we spend on improving our family skills? Perhaps we should start at the root.

27th April 2008

Sacrifice

I find myself regularly asking what should I be willing to sacrifice? Obviously the underlying question is for what or for whom should I be willing to sacrifice? Many people are willing to sacrifice for money; I’m not. I look for greater meaning in what I do – it has to make me a better man, husband, and father. If I cannot find the balance to create synergy I have to ask myself whether the sacrifices are for the right reason.

For this to be successful their is an assumption that I have to clarify and this is where it gets tough. I assume that I know what I want – do you? This is in fact a gap because too many times we ask ourselves this and the answer comes to easily. The question behind the question is what do I need? I have to distinguish between what is good for me and what is pleasant. Sometimes these overlap and sometimes they don’t. The discipline is to chose that which I need above that which I want. Capitalism rewards those who can clearly articulate what they want and bend their whole being to achieve it and not necessarily those that can articulate what they need. It is sometimes harder work to do less.

I find myself in a corporate environment where there is clear pressure to meet deadlines and DELIVER! I would like to ask many of the people why. Why so big, why such a hurry, why, why, why? Don’t get me wrong – work is good. I believe that if we become quiet and honest with ourselves we can save ourselves allot of pain through unnecessary sacrifice!

20th November 2007

Be the Change or Manage the Change?

The current position I am in is truly challenging. Since November I am priveleged to work for a first-rate consulting firm in Johannesburg. Our field of expertise is organisational change management. The general response that I get to this is “what is that?” or “how does that work?”. To be quite honest I am still determining that myself but what I can say is the following: When things change (and this is a certainty) organisations have to respond, adapt, and sustain. How do you respond to change and how do you ensure that the changes that have been envisaged will stick? That is where we come in – we make change work, we make it stick. That said and done I would like to talk about me now and there is nothing you can do about it (except not read).

Here is the dilemma that I am facing in our business/field and I strongly believe you will be able to relate this to challenges in your own life. To a certain extent it still continues the discussion on the King and the Clown (just scroll down for the post). As stated, we manage change. So in other words once the impact of change has been asessed and a desired route has been decided on we (consultants) come on board to drive the process. Very, very nice! Yes indeed, but here is the challenge: to what extent do we as individuals mereley manage the change in our lives without taking part in the strategic decisions of where I am heading? How much is there to which we can simply say C’est la vie?

I attended very good training the other day that focussed on managing polarities. What’s that you might ask – simple: opposites such as work-life and home-life; planning and spontanaity etc. In this regard our current conversation falls nicely into this classification of a polarity. How much of the change in my life can I plan or do I have some form of control over? At the other pole: how much of the change has an impact on me and I can’t direct? Is this at all a relevant question: How much will I impact change and how much will the change have an impact on me?! Is this perhaps the same thing. It would be quite suitable to see it this way because that is another charateristic of polarities – they are interdependant. The one relies on the other for definition. Let me formulate the question more clearly: If I am willing to change will I not effect change?

To continue this discussion and give you some food for thought I would like to suggest considdering the famous words of Mahatma Gandhi – “Be the change you want to see in the world”.

14th August 2007

It’s in the Weave

One of the first posts I put up was “The King and The Clown”. I discussed the challenge of forming a synergy between strategic planning and spontaneous action (perhaps I summarise it better now than orignally). Still this challenge remains and my thoughts are filled with these questions daily.

Our minds work primarily on linear thought patterns that pick up speed too quickly and make assumptions too hastily. A good illustration is a magician – in Afrikaans there is an excellent term used to describe the work of such a person: “oë verblindery” – to blind the eyes, i.e. not to see or deceive. A quick move of the hand here, a distraction there and before you know it your mind cannot comprehend what just happend.

Life is a weave that can blind you in an instance and it is then when we make an error in judgement. There are very many different strands that flow together, different colours, materials, strengths, and lengths. All are important but when we focus to much on just going with the weave and not preparing for what lies ahead we get cought up; entangled and the weave becomes a mess. Prepare too much and lose the art behind it. I dread the day I wake up and life has lost it’s colour; the day my mind cannot comprehend and even worse my heart cannot feel.

I need to appreciate the weave, make it slower in my mind and heart and not be deceived. Following the threads but remembering what I am weaveing. Who is being woven. It is in the weave.

8th May 2007

Rhythm

My last bit of writing focussed on paradox and I suggested at the end that perhaps we should use this to help us consider where exactly we are heading – individually and together. Seen and unseen, we all need rhythm so that we can time our own progress as we endeavour to better ourselves.

We need a measurement to evaluate our progress – something greater than ourselves that will be able to predetermine certain goals that are not necessarily tangible. We seek it in many different things on this planet and so few actually find it. Those that have found their own unique rhythm are unfazed by the rhythm of this world – the fast, unrelenting pace set by the herd. The clamour of hooves around us can be deafening, distracting, and even deadly. We are not all the same and risking being different is sometimes life threatening.

Even in our post-modern society where the universal has been replaced by subjective pluralism where truth has become something we determine ourselves and it becomes near impossible to establish unifying, protective principles that are relevant for all of us. In this environment the ones that truly stand for others and an over-arching sense of responsibility to which each of us are equally accountable are the ones that seem to bring conformity, restriction, or even dominance. Once again we have a situation of paradox where ignoring the rules brings restriction, division, and pain. Welcoming the universal truths, principles, and rules brings freedom.

To solve problems we need to go back to the root of the problem not just the bad fruits. Take our current situation in South Africa with our constitution (I know this example is controversial): we have one of the most liberal constitutions in the world that tries to ensure that we all have equal rights. My question is that in trying to ensure that everybody is as “free” as possible we ignore interdependence and focus on independence. I.e: “I don’t need you and stay out of my way – it’s my right” rather than: “I acknowledge that we have to rely on one another to be significant and I am willing to sacrifice to ensure that all of us are better off”. Do we have leaders that stand up for justice no matter what or is it merely a power struggle between the power hungry?

The legacy of servant leadership of Nelson Mandela is fading and we are substituting it for self-centeredness which is protected by our constitution! We need to find a rhythm that unites us and we need drummers to lead us. Rhythm with room for everyone to add their personal style.

3rd May 2007

Paradox

A statement which seems contradictory or absurd, but which expresses a truth.

Freedom is not doing what you want, freedom is wanting to do what you have to do…this kind of freedom is always rooted in practised habit. – Northrop Frye

If you want to move forward you have to stand still. To achieve certain goals it is important to first understand them and instill the right habits and practices which will enable you to achieve your goal. Most importantly – allow your goals to be altered because of the willingness to re-examine them.

If you simply jump in without hesitation the haste will cause error. It is like a child that wants to ride a bike without standing still first and listening to his father’s instruction. It does not mean that you remove error completely but perhaps disapointment and pain can be reduced greatly or even removed.

We are not brought up to embrace paradox, only human rationality which serves our own purpose. Everything has to happen quickly and efficiently and decisions have to be made faster than the speed of light because there is no time. Not true!

By doing less you achieve more. Take the concept of ‘time management’ as an example – I don’t believe in it. How can we think that by organising the details of my life I am in charge of time – it’s absurd. Instead I believe we have to detach ourselves from constraining kronos time (watch time) and attach ourselves to kairos time (season time). In other words look beyond the ticking seconds to the important matters that stretch beyond our own reality to make every second count.

Now just to be clear: I believe in punctuality and I will not let the falling leaves in autumn dictate my approach to life. To get a grip you got to let go.

Don’t plan, prepare. If I want to be prepared I cannot consider only one option. To be truly successful we have to be uncertain where we are going but not about who we are. Knowing who we are empowers us to know how we are going and that is the destination.

It is like a ship on the open sea. If you see yourself like this you position yourself to innovate, in other words you are ready to embrace different opporutinities as they arise and are in line with the purpose of your voyage. It is important to mention that once again you need to know who you are and know your final destination although you don’t know every detail of the course. Always have your true north!

This brings an important question about where we are heading both individually and together. Perhaps this could be the source of the next discussion…

30th January 2007

Training for Defeat

In our Formula One lifestyle we are orientated to be prepared to take every turn in the road at life-threatening speed and be ready to overtake! We are flooded by books, TV, films, and myriads of direct and indirect messages that tells us to step up the pace or be left behind. I always thought that it did not affect me – I was invincible!

To my utter disapointment I realised the opposite. We picture that there are people out there that were born that way. By ‘that way’ I mean they were born with a remote in their hand, a mobile fone in the other, and a overpowering desire to prove themselves. We are so fortunate not to be like that! I discovered that within me lies potential – for great things and for terrible things. None of us just wake up one day and realise that we are now that dark figure hiding away somewhere finding delight in all the world has to offer yet never finding de-light (literally and figuratively).

Disgusted, I realised that slowly but surely I was starting to place my hope in things that will most definately disapoint. My desire was after that which does not fulfil. I had to be brutaly honest and ask myself ‘what do I desire’ and because of this ‘where am I heading’? Simple, yet difficult; because you need to become quiet – almost detached. This is not about taking a pit-stop. This is about parking the car and getting out of the race because the finish line could in fact be the end of the line. I thought I was OK just taking the pit-stop every now and again – refueling, new tyres, wipe the helmet – there we go! Now everything is the way it should be and this lap is going to be the best yet. I’ll pass everyone by, leave them in the dust. Oh man I got excited!

…But excited about what?!

I felt defeated, ashamed, even lost. This life is not about a race – it is most definately a journey in which we have the pleasant privelage of stopping, helping others stop, and enjoying that which lies behind (the good and the bad), where we are now (the good and the bad), and where we are going (yip, you guessed it THE GOOD AND THE BAD). I am not a masochist but life will have challenges and our character is determined by how we react to the challenges.

In formula one they race around a track – they go NOWHERE. When you take a journey – by car, boat, plane, truck, etc. the destination becomes sweeter. Sweeter because you take the time to taste life with those around you. And most importantly you grow. You become more – you don’t do more. The journey becomes the destination.

I am therefore gladly training for defeat.

21st January 2007

The King and the Clown

Young as I am I have a natural sense of urgency and seriousness about life and hence the focus on strategy in my day to day work. I do however feel the tension within myself which is evident in the world around us: On the one hand we need to plan, look into the future and try to make some form of predicitons so we can adequately apply our resources. On the other hand we do live in a world of uncertainty and applying constructs that are too rigorous around us will smother creativity. The chinese have long looked at this problem and we are all familiar with the Ying and Yang – it is a philosophy of synergy, not balance. Balance is taking a little from both to act as counter weights in order to reach a desirable position/situation.

Synergy on the other hand is where the two actually compliment, or coexist to form a interdependent relationship. This is true in my personal life as well – off course whatever you learn in your personal life you will apply in your professional career (and vice versa) and in this manner it is also synergy. It becomes a kind of synergy within synergy. Knowing how much planning is necessary to guide spontaneity to reach greater levels of effectiveness is necessary in your professional career. It is also necessary in your personal life where yo need to grow – structure – yet you can’t do it without spontaneity, e.g. humor. What would life be without humor?! The two spheres then interact to form an interdependent whole that creates the synergy, not balance, to generate growth. In the end it is like the king and the clown: we need visionary leadership that can prepare responsibly and yet be as spontaneous as a clown to overcome the unseen challenges.

What are you?

21st January 2007

To type or not to type?

This is the question I asked myself recently. At first I thought it useless to add my voice to the jungle of information an knowledge on the web already available. On the other hand…in history there has been no-one like me, the words I type have never been typed before and that in itself is reason to put them down so that many years from now when truly intellectual beings visit our desolate planet they are able to observe another part of a colourful rainbow that spans history. Sometimes it’s the little dots and odd marks that can lead to great things.

Welcome to The Konstrukt! Based on the adventures of Jan-Derick Nel. This blog is a challenge to everyone out there that believe there is more. More to life than being born, growing old and dying. I believe there is more; much more! I however cannot define ‘more’ on my own – I need help. That is where you come in. I do believe it was Socrates that said: “An unexamined life is not worth living”.

I enjoy traveling but there is no greater journey than the one inwards. Change is the only constant and being prepared is what this blog is about.
Please hang around while I develop this blog into an area where we can change minds and hearts, especially our own.

Stay tuned for further konstruktions.